I Was Wrong..

Hmm...
Just got back from MIL 's place. Boy, was I wrong when I thought that she had changed.
Nope! She got so bitchier then ever! I'm now so grateful that she's so depressed that her daughter decided to accompany her husband following his transfer to a very,very far land.

Muah ha ha ha....

I'm still LOL!

Hiatus

So far ...
So good...

After I directly said what I felt, my MIL has stopped being a bitch,
So far.....
So good...
I just wished she just would stop crying for a second now...

P/S : I think that she's thinking now. Owh...this is how others feeling about her badmouthing them. Now she realised *grin*

My MIL, so far, successfully being 'schooled' about manners.
So far....
So good....

My MIL is troubling her own daughter

Let’s say that this question was imposed by a biras whose wife’s mother is overbearing, controlling, and meddling.

Answer to him & his ‘torn in between hubby & her mom’ wife (I’m experiencing tug of war condition with my own MIL & being given this advice) :

A meddling mother-in-law who is demanding, controlling, and intrudes into the lives of her son/daughter and son/daughter-in-law is what we call a "busybody". The meaning of the word "busybody" means, "a self appointed overseer in other men's matters." That describes what some mothers-in-law are engaged in, or at least accused of. This kind of behavior is annoying, very frustrating, and contrary to God's plan for the family.

Obviously, the dynamics in such a situation are frustrating. Some mothers-in-law do these things because no one else in the family has given them boundaries. Therefore, she becomes an overbearing "bully." Perhaps she does not even realize how intrusive and controlling she is. To her it may just be "loving." If that is the case, perhaps a heart-to-heart talk will clear the air. If she does understand what she is doing and does it on purpose even after she has been asked to stop, then there is nothing that you are going to be able to do to alter that.

Regardless of which side of the family the interference comes from, it is an assault upon the sanctity of the marriage. A man and woman leave their birth families and begin a new family, and they are to love and protect each other. A husband who allows his mother or his mother-in-law to interfere with his marriage is not living up to the commandment given to husbands in.

Boundaries need to be set and then held regardless of the resistance encountered. The reality is that people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If we permit them to trample the sanctity of our family, then that is what they will do. No one, not even our extended family, has the right to invade the privacy of our home and it is the responsibility of the husband to guard that privacy. He should take the lead in gently—but firmly—explaining to his mother-in-law what she is doing that is over the line and assuring her that such behavior cannot be tolerated. He should remind her that God has given him the responsibility for his family and to relinquish any of that responsibility to her is to disobey God. He should also assure her that he and his wife still love her, but that the relationship has changed and he is in charge now. That is God’s design for the family and that is the way it will be. Then the couple must stand firm in their resolve.

What can we do about reacting to a woman who acts in the way a meddling mother-in-law does? We can make a choice not to allow her to take away our peace of mind. We may not be able to change the way others behave, but how we respond to their behavior is our choice. We can allow the actions of other people to get to us, or we can choose to give it over to God and allow Him to use this to strengthen us spiritually.

It our own response to this type of situation that fuels our frustration. Only we can stop wearing ourselves out emotionally by allowing a interfering mother-in-law's actions to be the arbiter of our own peace. Her behavior is not our responsibility, our response is.Parents and in-laws should be treated with respect and love, but we must not allow our emotions to entangle us. The best way to disengage an enemy is to make them an ally. This is done through God’s grace. We can always give the grace of forgiveness. It may not stop a mother-in-law from interfering, but it will be a source of strength and peace to stand in.

'KAMI' vs 'DIA'

'WE' vs 'HER'

This entry has a mix of languages between mother tongue & English. The below quotes are written in Malay to maximize the impact.

·‘Kami’ mempunyai potongan badan yang menawan berbanding ‘Dia’ yang ‘maha’ gemuk.

·‘Kami’ masih mempunyai teman hidup untuk berkongsi asam-garam kehidupan,sedangkan ‘Dia’ tidak mempunyai sesiapa untuk tidur bersama (asexual life).

·‘Kami’ mempunyai kitaran biologi aktif berbanding ‘Dia’ yang sudah putus haid

·‘Kami’ dianugerahkan suara wanita yang lunak dan manja berbanding ‘Dia’ yang hanya tahu ‘memekak’ sahaja (ini disebabkan sistem pendengaran yang telah rosak teruk).

·‘Kami’ tidak perlu berdrama untuk mendapatkan perhatian dan kasih sayang orang tersayang berbanding si ‘Dia.’

·‘Kami’ boleh memakai aksesori trend terkini dan kelihatan stylo-mylo berbanding ‘Dia’ yang kelihatan seperti pokok krismas yang sarat (kerana saiz badan yang ekstrim XXXL dan cara pemakaian aksesori yang berlebihan).

·‘Kami’ tidak memusnahkan hidup anak perempuan ‘kami’ dengan alasan ‘sayang’ seperti yang ‘Dia’ sedang lakukan.

·Pendek kata ‘Kami’ lebih cerdik dan lebih baik berbanding ‘Dia’ dan 'Kami' tidak menyertai kelab peminat Neng Yatimah seperti si 'Dia.'

Entri ini tidak ada kaitan dengan sesiapa yang telah meninggal kerana ‘Dia’ sebagai pendukung watak masih lagi hidup.

‘Saya’ (one of the ‘Kami’ components) is glad that si ‘Dia’ and her entourage won’t be making any visit at “Saya’s” palace. Happy ending at last….

This HUGE bra represents my MIL (as 'HER' or 'DIA')

Buzz Off Woman!

I am determined that my happiness won’t revolve around my mil’s emotional turmoil. my relationship with my hubby is a stand alone seggregated system from hers.She compares issues that she has with me to the ‘amount’ of love her son has for her. absurd but i guess this is one bad way to handle menopause.

I learn to understand asexual life for this is what she’s going thru now & i understand something important-sexless life sucks and you tend to be jealous of any woman around you who enjoys active sex life.jealousy is one thing, trying to ‘destroy’ other womens’ happpiness is what she’s getting better at. So, beware all dils whom having mils who’s not getting enough sex (or worst no sex at all)!

She’ll only be happy if her ‘boys’ treating their wives like doormat/dirt.Poor thing that didn’t happen to me but i can ‘happily’ say that this happens to her fav daughter.So, be careful what you wished for, fat bitch!

My diagnose for my mil’s condition: She’s now haunted by what she did to her late husband.my mil was a controlling person that my late fil was seldom allowed going back to his hometown. she herself did not have good relationship with her in laws.and now, she tries to control her sons’ married life, afraid that she’d lose her boys if they go back to wives’ hometowns, even for once!

Why Can't I Love Her?

Why do I hate my mother in law :
At first, I thought I was being simply a ‘bad’ or bitchy person and treated my MIL like a fucking bitch. A fucking FAT bitch! Then, I realize ALL her DILs hating her.So, I'm not entirely alone here.And I hate her for …

1. How over bearing & meddling she could be in his sons & a daughter’s married lives.
2. Scenes she creates each time there’s family gathering by crying like a big fat baby to get attention from her offsprings.
3. How loud when she talks irrespective time including at wee hours when our babies asleep. She’s fucking idiot or born stupid or simply brainless! Yes, I’m talking about ‘volume’ turned to the max or ‘high pitch voice’ that irritates all of us.
4. Not looking into the mirror before complaining about how fat her daughter in laws are I am excused here due to my (self proclaimed) slender figure LOL. She is the Javanese version of a black movie titled Yo Momma’s in da House. Ewwww…..
5. How obvious she unfairly treats other grandchildren compared to children popped out by her daughter’s vagina.
6. How she ‘uses’ phrase at her convenience ” You love your wife more than you love me as your mom” to her sons OR “ You can find wives from wet market but mother – only ONE” (that’s her) to get stuff she wants or things done her way.
7. Her smelly armpits and bad body odour. If she sits in our car, my children & I immediately feel like puking! That’s how bad the smell is.
8. Badmouthing her own siblings & in laws. Neighbours & ‘besan’ (her daughter’s mother in law) not excluded! Even neighbours’ chickens can’t escape being bitched by her big fat mouth (same size and as smelly as her arse!).
9. Her messy house and expecting outsiders (daughter in laws) to do the clean ups. She’s so fucking lazy!
10. Clearly demonstrating that she despises it when it’s daughter in laws or a son in law’s turn to have to go back to our hometowns during festive seasons.

Why Am I Bitter?

Relationships History:

I do have complicated relationships with my both parents. It could be the lack of respect I have towards both my biological parents due to …. You be the judge.

My parents divorced when I was 6 going 7. I could live with the fact. They were match made in hell anyway. Kept on fighting and fighting each time they saw each other (why got married in the first place?). But what devastated me & my siblings were :

My bastard biological father abandoned us (my mom and his offsprings) and never even bothered about our lives and how we were doing. My mom was in early stage of pregnancy with my youngest brother when my father married stepmom (while he was still married to my mom!), a Javanese woman from rural, remote area in Johore territory. Owh..my MIL is fucking Javanese BTW. He ‘awarded’ my mom with “TALAK 3”( Islamic ‘feature’ of divorcing a wife -ruthless way by giving the most ‘horrible rank’ or called ‘talak’ which has 3 ranks: 1,2 & 3) when my youngest brother was 4 months old. At the same time, he sold ALL properties he had just so my mom couldn’t claim her rights (children’s rights too!). We were left roofless and forced to go back to my mom’s mother’s place in Yan, Kedah. Now, what he did before is ‘paid’ back in CASH to him as he doesn’t have any belongings (except for his books & NRIC) or any assets, and living at the mercy of his younger wife! He is now half bodily paralysed due to stroke attack. Almighty GOD….What you do is what you get. He used to be wealthy & powerful and owned couple of bungalows/villas in elite areas of Damansara & Sitiawan. He used to brag to his children how fucking stud he was having so many girlfriends including Caucasian girls. Now, he’s complaining that my brothers & I never visited him even during festive seasons. I am LOL!!!

As for my mom, after my father dumped her for another woman (whom very average looking & un-educated), she’s clearly traumatized. I couldn’t recall when she smiled last. She became aloof to her families and very ‘involved’ into her career. I knew what she had gone thru but in a way, after sending us all off to her mom’s kampong, she also ‘abandoned’ us. At the time we needed her most. She mentioned to one of my aunties that my father left her and all she had is ‘burden’ leftovers from her marriage (my brothers & I). It hurt so badly at the time. But, now I’m immune & what left between my parents & I is nothing. No love, no respect, just nothing! It doesn’t suck anymore nowadays as it used to be, seeing other girls being cared for & nurtured by loving mothers & fathers. What I remember about my mom – she used to be at home after work locking herself in her room, not a single hi, nothing. I lost my front tooth when I was 9 years old. Till varsity time she did nothing to fix it and I had a great deal about my self esteem (imagine what it does to your self confidence not having front tooth all the while). She totally ignored me!

Somehow I believe God is looking over me from up there, as I survived my teenage life & completed my study in Uni without my parents around. I have my teachers to thank for & my fierce grandmom who cooked for us for a very long time! “Tuk, I’m also sorry you have to bear my mom’s disrespectful words to you.” I’m not sure what issues my mom having with you, All I know she should at least be thankful that you were willing to take us in. I know I do.

I already have 2 kids but she’s still not able to love her own grandchildren. I don’t think she’s able to love any living soul for as long as she lives. Sigh…
I used to dream about having different set of parents. Hmm…